J I L

Potty Training

2012-01-08T20:24:00.000-08:00

Potty Training has taught me something new about my daughter. Yes, she is strong-willed, but she is also an over-achiever. Set a goal and she'll meet it and then some. She has been potty trained for one week and already takes herself to the bathroom unassisted. She knows when she needs to go, puts on her special toilet seat, climbs on and does her thing without me even knowing. If she has an accident, she will clean the whole thing up by herself. I don't find out until she's trying to get fresh clothes on. She dabs it up with a towel, puts her clothes into the washing machine and finds herself new clothes. She's not trying to hide it, but she wants to take care of it herself.

She found ways to go above the goals I set for her. I totally didn't teach her those things or even consider asking it of her yet. I only wanted her to go on the potty when needed and begin to recognize when she needs to go. Instead, she does it all herself and even cleans up her own accidents. All to keep me from having to do anything help her.

Today - no accidents! When she woke up in the morning, she put herself on the toilet without even a fuss. It's just what you do when you wake up. Jon said she put herself on the toilet after her nap while he was still sleeping.

She's just blown me away. I almost want her to go back to being a baby. It all seems so grown up.

And here she is with her first art project where she was allowed to use glue without any assistance or input from me.

Thanksgiving first

2011-11-27T20:59:00.001-08:00

The Strahm (my maiden name) family has officially grown out of the Strahm Family Table. For the first time we had a kid's table set-up beside the adult table. It's kind of sad, but it was also wonderful to sit at a table full of adults (with one sweet baby) and talk about past Strahm family vacations.

Supposedly my family has a history of breaking down on the road, but that's according to my sister-in-law, Tara. She claims that she fears traveling with us because something bad always happened. So we counted them up:

1. There's the stalling in a Minnesota blizzard (before I was even born) trip where the young family stayed with strangers.
2. The herky-jerky motor home trip to Arkansas where my brother and dad risked death repairing the dumb thing on the side of curving hilly highways. This particular story is so long that we could take 10 minutes to re-tell the whole thing.
3. The trip that stopped before it even started when the same motor home blew a wheel 10 miles out of town.
4. The relay trip to Minnesota where my dad had to buy a car at the half-way point when our van broke in a tiny town where no rental cars or mechanics existed.
5. The let's bring friends along with us to Minnesota trip where the transmission blew and the friend almost got hit flagging down a motorist for help.
6. .....
7. ..... I'm sure I had to have missed at least two.

We really do have some awesome vacation memories together and still take them together several times a year. Anyone willing to take a chance on the Strahm family?

Over-the-top Obedience

2011-10-05T11:10:00.000-07:00

Lyla stood up in the cart at Target and got in trouble. She took my instructions to the next extreme and laid down. Cute. Over-the-top obedience. I think it was probably ornery obedience more than anything, but I'll take what I can get this month. It's a bad fibro month for me. Cooking and cleaning doesn't happen but I still have to enforce the rules. I try to not be too choosy with a child who's less than 2 anyways.

The other problem right now - Lyla wants to potty train and I don't. I'm still exhausted from Seattle, but Lyla wants to get off and on the potty. Her diaper is always coming off, and I'm cleaning up accidents. I want her potty trained but wish she could wait for a better time for me. I think it's all about doing things like Mommy. She knows that that business is supposed to be done on the pot. I guess if she knows that it's time to potty train her.

Kaufman Happenings

2011-10-01T19:56:00.001-07:00

I can't write about Seattle yet. Give me a few days. Maybe in a few days I can forget the horrible and remember only that Kaila is getting better. So in the mean time, Lyla is getting comfortable with horses. This is a must for a child of mine.

Jon's the camera enthusiast, which means he's often behind the camera, and I'm trying to get my skills good enough to capture great moments of him with Lyla.

Look out grandparents. Lyla's second birthday is coming and she loved this bike shop. Sweet ride, right? She would also be thrilled to discover a pair of pink cowgirl boots under the Christmas tree. I should stop with the good ideas or I won't have anything to get her myself.

This slide was a big climb. She did it every time without me close and didn't want me to come. Miss Thing.

RCC Retreat

2011-09-16T17:46:00.000-07:00

I think this is Gracie's "I'm happy to be here" face.

It was a wonderful weekend. Our church (River Community Church) had a retreat last weekend. I was told that the last retreat we had as a church was 15 years ago, so it was a real treat. The breakout sessions were deep and gave me a lot of things to mull over and pray. I had one session with Dave and another with Jim and both were right on target. We skipped Terry's main session because our child was 'that child' screaming in the back of the sanctuary.

The older kids were so sweet with Lyla. I had several different children stop to help her down a ladder or volunteer to share their toys. It was like they were looking for ways to serve. Think that's a reflection of Jesus? Remarkably I don't think anyone got upset at Lyla's attention-getting tactics (or no one got so upset that I remembered). She'd run up and pull on a shirt or push from behind (and get in trouble for it), and the older child would say, "That's ok. She just wants to play with me." I know that all of these kids have bad days where they don't share or have to be reminded to help, but it was sweet and challenging to see them living out what they've learned. I feel privileged to get to watch these kids grow up and even lead a small few in youth group.

If I was betting, I'd say Terry liked his time with the kids during play the best.

Jon was mad at himself for taking this pic of Jim without the flash turned on his camera. He claims it would have been perfect otherwise.

Lyla's getting some love from the oldest Bartlett boy.

It's an understatement to say Lyla enjoyed the retreat. She got to wear her boots, play with the big kids in sand, play with big kids on the play ground and play with big kids during the meals. Do you see a pattern? Throw in a few babies (not literally) and she was in her element.

To make you feel better

2011-09-02T20:30:00.000-07:00

I only post pics of me where I think I look good. The only exception to that rule is that if Lyla looks too good to be ignored, I'll allow it to post. Facebook is like the person I want everyone to see, but not necessarily who I really am or how I'm really doing.

I'm trying to break that habit a little bit at a time. As a start here's a photo of me post-workout. I figured that's my most unsavory (or ripe) time of day. Even here I brushed my hair a bit and only picked the photo where I looked the best. Why is my image so hard to pop?

One part of the real story is that I gained 15-20 lbs when I started my new medication. The new med works fantastic, but the side effect is that I am constantly hungry. Really, really hungry. To maintain my weight in the past, I only ate when hungry. That's not working so well and the weight gain was rapid.

So I work out at the Y and lose 3 lbs. Then a week later I gain it back after a food binge. I'm working two extremes. I have to find a middle ground where I can stop managing my image and be confident in the woman I am in Christ, loved by God and chosen. I was doing swell with all this 6 months ago, but 6 months ago I was really skinny. Given how stinky I feel now that the skinny is gone, I'd say that I was only doing well because I was skinny and not because I was emotionally healthy in that area.

Maybe if I post more real photos of myself, I'll be less inclined to hide. Maybe. I'm doing better at not comparing myself to other women at the gym but might change outfits 3 times in a day because I'm frustrated with my image. I'll keep memorizing Galations 6 and pray for the truth to bleed into other ares of my life.

To make you smile

2011-08-31T06:09:00.001-07:00

I let her pick the shoes today (as I do most days), and everyone who saw us yesterday smiled. Maybe it will do the same for you.

I wouldn't have put this outfit together myself so maybe Lyla's got a bit of the style her Momma doesn't. Or maybe her grandma's make sure she has lots of style.

Pretty proud

2011-08-29T11:46:00.000-07:00

I got a new camera and am pretty proud of the new capabilities. Before, anything I wanted to get a shot of, I had to ask Jon. His camera is too big and complicated for me to get a good shot off.

I know these photo features have been around a while, but I'm proud that I could figure the settings out well enough to capture this dress. It's one of my favorites for this set of clothes, and I wanted to get the sweet color before she grows again.

Our recent doc visit put her at 22 lbs and 8th percentile. She's still tiny but nothing to be concerned about. It's part of her overall pattern.

She 21 months old and enjoys eating dog food and tasting rocks. Well, that's an overstatement. She does like eating dog food but she only licks rocks occasionally.

I thought this pic in our living room turned out nice, too. I bought this settee from an estate sale back when I was single. The nieces and nephews love it.

I am fooled

2011-08-18T11:58:00.000-07:00

I have more down time in my life than your average person. I mean, we all take time to ourselves and waste it on things like tv or cruising the internet, but I must take a rest at strategic points during the day. It's truly the only way I can make it through to the end of the day. I become convicted that I need to be more intentional in my rest times. Too often I read a book or watch Hulu. The rest is nice to have but I want to do something important with that time because I'll have a lot of it in my life (until Jesus heals me).

So here's the plan. I'm memorizing the book of Galations and giving myself 12 mths to do it. I could probably do it in 6 mths, but let' s not push things too far. Galations 5 was done last year, so I really only have 5 chapters to memorize. Totally doable.

Today I started on Galations 6. I memorize while I'm burning fat on the exercise machines at the Y. (Yes, I'm that person moving her lips the whole time I'm working out.) The verses I was memorizing were right on target for that moment in my life.

Check it out.

Galations 6:2-5

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load.

Here's is a sneak peek at my frame of mind most days as I work on that machine. I warn you, it's pretty ugly.

"I'm glad I don't have as much weight to lose as that woman."

"That 60-year-old woman is stronger than me. My body sucks."

"That girl could be a model. Look at her run. I can't run because my body sucks."

"I would totally look like girl if my body would let me be young."

Okay, enough of the sneak peek. I'm feeling pretty arrogant and pretty prideful and pretty ungrateful. So look at that scripture I'm memorizing again. Do you see it?

As I exercise I am comparing myself to everyone else and am always either winning or losing. I'm either thinking highly of myself (for being skinnier) or thinking less of myself (because my body is messed up). I come to those conclusions after first judging someone else.

So what that scripture said today is that I am being fooled. I need to match my own body against myself and no one else. When I can do that, then I can take pride in what I am doing and what I have done, and it won't come at the expense of someone else.

If I compare myself to others I am always either losing or winning. Compare myself to myself, and I am rocking it right now. Seriously rocking it. Ask any other person who has what I have. (Which you can only do if you know what's wrong with me and if you don't you can ask me in person.) My ability to work out right now and not crash under the effort and still manage to care for Lyla is freakin' incredible. But it's only incredible if I compare myself to myself.

And the very last part of the passage "for each one should carry his own load" tops it all off for me. I have my own burden and this condition is it. Comparing myself to others and coming up short is a ridiculous endeavor. Those who I am judging have their own struggles or heartaches. Mine are specific to me and are mine to carry.

Thanks, Jesus. I needed to hear that this morning.

A change

2011-08-16T12:45:00.001-07:00

I gave up blogging for awhile. I could try to go back over the last few months to catch you up, but that sounds exhausting. It feels like nothing and everything has changed.

I'm on a new medication that has allowed me to return to a more normal state in life. That medication is for something that I've never announced on FB or the blog. I was re-diagnosed this spring. I think that's why I stopped blogging. The biggest thing happening in my life was the one thing I didn't want to put down in writing. Ask me about it in person, and I'll gladly share.

The spring was a flurry of activity. We put in a lot of awesome family time. A trip to Osage Beach with the Strahm family was absolutely perfect. Well, perfect is a strong word. Lyla slept awful the first two nights (which means we didn't sleep either). The third night she was perfect. It turns out that lots of things can go wrong on a family vacation and yet the quality time spent together outweighs the oppressive heat, the lack of sleep and the scratch Lyla gave Rachel on her nose. No, wait. That scratch was in February at Great Wolf Lodge. I don't think she caused a single injury at Osage Beach. I'd have to ask my nieces and nephews to know for certain, though.

She woke up from her nap just now, so we're headed to the YMCA to exercise. That's another new thing in our life. Since I'm doing so well on this new medication, I can actually exercise. It's so strange for me but feels fantastic. In fact, I might even call myself a gym nut. I'm there between 4 and 6 days a week but closer to 6. It makes me feel more like the old me. Let's hope this new med keeps things tipping in my favor this year. I need to replace 15 lbs of fat with muscle.

I'll post some of my favorite pics from this spring later today.

No Caffeine and New Sleep Habits

2011-03-29T07:04:00.001-07:00

I gave up caffeine. I didn't want to but it does weird things to me. I keep reminding myself why I'm doing it.

1. Two measured cups drank before 10 a.m. keep me from falling asleep at night. Two measly cups!

2. About 11 a.m. I start getting shaky and my heart starts racing.

3. Drinking caffeine makes me have more pain at the end of the day. It gives me energy that makes me feel like I can conquer the world. Unfortunately, my body's not capable of going all morning without taking a rest, and I push to far. After using all the energy to get stuff done, I'm left in pain.

So ... no caffeine for me. I've also made a rule that I won't take any naps, but I will get in to bed at 8:45 p.m. That feels terribly early, but it's helping me. I wake up in the morning refreshed.

It's one more thing I have to do to keep myself going so I can take care of Lyla. My body's so weird. It makes me give up indulgences like caffeine and staying up late. I need to figure out how to get Jon in bed at 9 p.m. so I don't have to go to sleep by myself.

Bahaha

2011-02-27T12:14:00.001-08:00

I laugh every time I remember this stupid moment so maybe it will make your day, too.

On Sunday we got ready for church in record time, and I was fuzzy with my allergies. I must have been feeling orange because I dressed Lyla and myself in outfits in white with orange stripes. Several people pointed out our coordinating colors asking if I planned it, but I'm not stylish enough to actually plan something like that.

After church one person pointed to Lyla and asked, "So was this an accident?" To which I replied, "Well, yeah, she was an accident. We weren't planning on kids yet." He looked confused for a moment before cracking up laughing. "I was talking about your outfits."

I'm too honest sometimes.

The girl and her dog

2011-02-26T20:04:00.000-08:00

Cooper can't escape his baby and her love, not that he wants to. Yesterday Cooper went to the vet and he was overly anxious about the whole situation, whining, pacing and skidding around. Lyla in turn didn't want to be put down and didn't care for the vet office. In the exam room she bent over and gave him two hugs and a couple of pats. I think she knew he was anxious and needing a little love, and when the vet tech took Cooper away, she got up and tried to get him back. She was totally nervous about the whole place, but she was going to take off and get her pup back.

Playing too much, I suppose

2011-02-26T19:29:00.001-08:00

Yesterday I noticed people stop to watch Lyla and I play. Or should I call it staring? I stopped and checked my decibels but I wasn't talking too loudly. I promise, I wasn't. We were at Exploration Place, and someone stopped to watch us in every exhibit.

I talk to her about the exhibits. Example: We played veterinarian at one stop. Sitting on my lap, she answered the phone, pointed to what time slot she wanted on the computer screen, and typed the appointments. I talked to the customer and added the voice to what Lyla was doing. The floor had to be dirty with all those animals so Lyla cleaned up using the mop. She keeps a clean shop. Four kids were playing in the station, and I was the only mom sitting in there imagining I was in a vet shop. I know I'm not the only mom who does that. Most of my friends do the exact same thing, but when I'm there alone, I guess it kind of stands out.

So stare on peeps. Lyla and I are having a ball and we're not stopping. Feel free to join us sometime. We'll make it worth your while.

The Changing Me

2011-02-26T19:11:00.000-08:00

Two things in my life have truly changed me in the last five years - pain and Lyla. I don't want to talk about my pain right now. It's been a rough two weeks and I'll write an update on my health in a few weeks when things are concrete. Plus, the changes in me that came from the pain were difficult lessons, but Lyla, she's changing me in a way that I enjoy.

My love language is quality time, and I get lots of that with her every day. That's probably why I'm not anxious to have another child. It fills my love tank to spend my days with the two of us shopping, cleaning and playing. What I didn't expect was to have my love language change. I thought I would always be a quality time person.

The lowest love language on my list is physical touch - at least before Lyla. I have to show affection, even when the situation calles for it. If I don't have a huggie friend around often enough, I get out of practice and cringe inwardly when I need to hug someone. But now Lyla's changing me. Now I covet hugs and and little baby kisses. I'll take all I can get from her and she loves to give them. Lyla's is a focused little girl and that includes showing affection. If she decides to give you a hug, good luck getting away from it.

Quality time is still high on my needs list but getting her into my arms every day is equally important. Another change - at night I have to go to bed at the same time as my husband (no staying up late to play video games, Jon) and I need 5 minutes of cuddling. I guess my guard is down now. Anyone need a hug? I'm open to giving them ... most of the time. Okay, I'm still a work in progress.

A sweet little friend

2011-01-31T19:19:00.000-08:00

We stopped by the eye doctor yesterday to pick up my 6 month supply of contacts (which I will stretch into a year). Since we had to wait, I took Lyla over to the children’s area. There was a little 4-year-old boy standing a little crookedly at the toy table, and I set Lyla down to play with him. His mom explained the braces on his legs as spina bifida. She doesn’t know if he ever will learn to walk.

Lyla played well with him for about two minutes. Then she did something that broke my heart for this little boy. She ran away to play with something else. The little boy looked after her with confusion. “Why did she leave, Momma?”

I chased Lyla and brought her back to the table. She played for even less time before running away again. How his little heart must ache to play a game of chase. He sat himself down and half-crawled over to his mom to read a book. I wanted to make Lyla sit still. I wished she hadn’t started walking yet and could crawl on the floor with him. That would have helped him feel normal. He would have been so happy to have someone crawl on the floor with him.

I have a lot to teach Lyla when she's old enough to understand the differences between all of us.

Little Helper

2011-01-27T17:36:00.000-08:00

I have a Mommy's Little Helper in my house. It's not so helpful but heartbreakingly sweet.

She helps me load the dishwasher, using toys to mimic. She helps clean the windows and does a bang-up job on that for a toddler. She has to have her own rag and will sign, "Please" when she thinks she needs more Windex. She helps with laundry, saying "Dirty" while we sort and loading the dryer with dirty clothes while I load the washing machine.

I didn't try to teach her to help me. She comes over and asks to be a part of what I'm doing. It fills me love tank to have her help, even if it does take 3 times as long. Although she looks like Daddy, I still have a (very) little girl.

She started her 14th month and hasn't tipped the scales past 20 lbs. yet. Her 14th month has started and she has 14 teeth to match. I'm pretty sure she's going to have 16 teeth at 16 months, too.

All too soon she'll be ....

It shouldn't be like this

2011-01-18T13:08:00.000-08:00

Last night Lyla woke up screaming six times before I finally gave up trying to soothe her. We gave her Tylenol, rocked, gave bottles - all while guessing that it was teething. This morning I went in grab something out of her crib and found blood. And it wasn't just a little spot. There were more than six dried pools of blood mixed with spit.

This is crazy! I've never heard of a child who's teething is THIS bad. My poor baby. I think she's cutting 6 teeth at one time. When she cuts all these suckers, it makes 16 teeth and she won't teeth again until her 2-year molers come.

Impossible advice

2011-01-15T20:20:00.000-08:00

This is what occupied my mind today. If I washed my hands as often as doctors suggest, I would wash 15 times a day. Below is my proof.

2 times a day - Before touching my contacts

5 times a day – After diaper changes (Yes, it’s five times a day.)

4 times a day – Before eating or preparing food

4 times a day – After using the restroom (This might be underestimated because I drink a lot of water.)

My hands couldn't handle that so I’m thinking of ways to consolidate. Maybe in the morning I should go to the bathroom, wash my hands, put in my contacts then immediately go prepare breakfast. Combining a few habits I might be able to get it down to 4-5 times a day.

In my former life, I was a planner / organizer.

Lyla (at 12 months) Rocking to KJ-52

2010-12-12T07:43:00.000-08:00

She's got rhythm, right? This is the reason I love being a SAH (stay-at-home) Mommy. Who wouldn't want to wipe snot off of this girl's face all day?

Speaking of snot, Lyla thought she needed to inflict the torture of suctioning snot on another being in our household. That's right! She tried to suction Cooper's nose.

Frustrated

2010-12-09T07:48:00.000-08:00

I found something I loathe more than the extra dishes I clean during holiday baking - this season's Victoria's Secret commercial. If their goal is to make me feel like more of a woman, their commercials fail because they make me feel like less of one.

If you watch any TV, I think you know which one I'm talking about. I can't stop staring at that blond girl's stomach.

I think I might never again buy their merchandise. Besides, I dread the day when Lyla recognizes what's hanging up in their store windows. How do I explain that she isn't a real woman, not the way they have her displayed. Dillards will get my bra sales from now on.

We made it one year

2010-12-01T19:16:00.000-08:00

Proudly rocking in her chair at her first birthday party.

Lyla is proving to be lean but mighty. Her one year check-up was yesterday, and the pediatrician was slightly (but not overly) concerned by her weight. She weights in at a lean 17 lbs. 14 oz, which puts her into the 6th percentile. To put it in perspective, I was packing up her old clothes and found her fashionable 3-6 month jacket. For kicks I put it on her. Yeah, it still fits. The sleeves are a smidge short but other than that it's perfect. She has a heavier winter coat but at least her fashionable one will get more wear.

Lyla is proving to be a lean but mighty firecracker. Her one year check-up was yesterday, and the pediatrician was slightly (but not overly) concerned by her weight. She weighs in at a lean 17 lbs. 14 oz., which puts her into the 6th percentile. To put it in perspective, I was packing up her old clothes and found her adorable 3-6 month jacket. For kicks I put it on her and it still fits. The sleeves are a little short but other than that it's perfect. She has a heavier winter coat but at least this fashionable one will get some more wear. She also gets cold at night in her warmest sleeper. I think it's because she's so skinny.

Development wise, Lyla does absolutely everything a one-year old child can do and does it to perfection (for a one year old). I almost don't know what to do with her sometimes. She has four signs - drink, eat, more and all done - and five words - Mommy, Daddy, Cooper, bye, all done, and that (pronounced "dat").

Lyla chases Cooper around the living room with the intention of bodily harm and cackles at the game of chase. She pulls a snail around the house; sits, walks and propels herself on her little scooter (see the pic below); and attempts to put together puzzles. She helped me decorate the Christmas tree, bringing the ornaments over from the chair for me to place on the tree, and can help pick up her toys when directed.

Like a true little girl, she is still very much attached to her dollies and has been since she was 7 months old. She might look like her dad but she's all girl. At her birthday party, she opened a doll from her cousins, and as they all crowded in to take a look, Lyla strong-armed them away. I'm not kidding. She was yelling at them (like she does to Cooper when he tries to grab something from her hand) and holding her baby away from their clutches. I was almost frightened by her ferocity.

Thankfully, she's giving up some of her separation anxiety, but I'm sure it will come back again during new developmental stages. For now, it's nice that she will let other people hold her. I'm working with her to get her to stop hitting friends with blocks, balls and books. She wants all the space all to herself. When all the cousins are around, she does pretty well because she's distracted, but when it's just Lyla and Makaelyn or Lyla and Malachi, she starts hitting.

There are several favorite parts to my day. Lyla will now meet daddy at the door without any prodding from me. Today, I didn't even realize he's come home until I walked into the kitchen and saw her waiting patiently at the door. She opened the pantry in the hopes that he would walk out of there, but when he didn't, she closed it and waited patiently.

I love our random dance parties. I love watching her learn and discover. She delights in all the little things, and I hope that never stops. When we walk out the door in the morning, she waves to the world. We have a little rhyme we sing that I made up, and that's how I'll leave off tonight.

"Hello, God.
I'm happy you're here today.
Thank you for making this world,
So we could come out to play."

Lyla on her little red scooter walking it forward. She's quite proud of herself for mastering this toy.

Playing in Grandpa Strahm's pasture where Mommy grew up riding horses.

All of her cousins - from left to right: Aleenay, Brennan and Makaelyn Haag; Rachel, Elizabeth and Kenan Strahm; Lyla Kaufman

She lights up my days.

Planning a First and Our Days Together Lately

2010-11-20T13:26:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I think my toddler might be too beautiful. I normally do not put large bows in Lyla's hair for playtime but today was a great exception. At the end of the day I realized all of a sudden that dressed in a black shirt and jeans she looked like a miniature Jonathan. The flower helped my brain balance things out.

I can't believe my to-do list for the next couple of days to prep for Lyla's party. Thank goodness I cleaned the house last week. I don't have to scour anything, which helps, but I will have to re-clean a few things so that my guests won't be using a sink with toothpaste crusties.

I'm getting kind of sad about Lyla's age. She became a toddler overnight, and while she makes a dangerously adorable toddler, this next phase will pass as quickly as the baby stage.

Oh, and does anyone know of a father-daughter look alike competition with a cash prize? I need to start banking on this.

Pics of my almost one year old

She's got some rad bed head. This little firecracker scout the dining room table for my purse, pulls it off and carries it around the house. She may look like her daddy and have his personality, but she's still very much a little girl.

Check out what Gma Kaufman made for me.

My toddler (sniff) played in her first sensory box. I think Cooper enjoyed it, but if someone knows if uncooked oatmeal is bad for dogs, please post.

"Hmm. My sensory box is missing something. What could it be?"

"A spatula, Mommy. My box needed a dirty spatula."

Check out the intense concentration. She's ready to try out her find. I see this look a lot on my busy bee.

Talking while shopping

2010-11-15T08:19:00.000-08:00

I trailed a woman in the grocery store who talked out loud to her two boys as much as I do to Lyla, and I was truly annoyed. I know I talk out loud a lot, but I kind of figured everyone could deal with it. If they were bothered, so what. Lyla and I were enjoying ourselves.

I think what really annoyed me was that I couldn't talk out loud to Lyla because the other woman was talking so much. It was first thing in the morning when the store opened. Somehow it was too much for me to get to talk, too.

So, do I stop talking to Lyla as I walk through the store? Have I been annoying everyone or making people smile?

Youth Baby Shower

2010-11-14T19:36:00.000-08:00

As a group, we had a blast celebrating Baby Jost impending arrival. We changed up the typical baby gifts and gave Penni things to take to the hospital - soft socks, a homemade blanket, and lots and lots of chocolate. For Baby Jost, the girls brought board books.

And for the game - see for yourself.

Tina has her own special strategy that got her through to the final round.

The mother-to-be was excited to give it a try.

Jackie won all three heats with her impressive skills.

Free Writing about (Ugh) the Mouse

2010-11-07T10:27:00.000-08:00

A mouse! A mouse! A mouse in my house. How did you get so shiny and fat? I didn't want to feed you, didn't mean to feed you. Dog treats promise to make your pooch silky and smooth, and it sure worked for you. I hope you enjoyed your meal to its fullest because soon your carcass will rot. Die, Die. The mouse will die. It must die.

I have a husband who used to hunt your babies with hammers. He is coming for you. No way in and no way out. You are not welcome in my house. Die, Die. The mouse will die.

We have a history and it is not pleasant. You hid in my hay bails, grain bins and wood loft. My wild kittens took care of you most of the time. But every now and then, the coyotes got the cats and the mice had free reign of the barn. Time to recruit more wild cats.

Cooper and Lyla would love the old method, but I'm going to use the fast and true cure - a hefty amount of poison.

This Just In

2010-11-05T14:22:00.001-07:00

I'm back to my wedding weight and haven't been this small in four years. In other words, I weighed more than this when I got pregnant with Lyla. I honestly never thought I would ever go this low in my weight again. I keep exercising and my weight keeps going down. I might even be a little too skinny, but at least I have room to gain a little during the holidays. That's a welcome relief.

Switching Thought Trains

What a long week I had with Lyla. She had a cold and wanted nothing except me. As you know by now, she's a big mover. So I was supposed to hold her and do her moving for her. "No stopping, Mommy!" I sit down to rest with her in my lap and she tries to climb up or down. Neither direction satisfied her and she'd start crying as soon as she got up or down.

Then Jon got the same cold sometime during the night so my date night was called off. Bummer. The only sweet part of the whole situation was having Lyla run crying into my arms multiple times every hour of every day. This walking thing isn't all bad. Now I just have to teach her to walk holding my hand and to come when called. It's kind of like training a dog but without the leash and head collar. Come to think of it, those things could be helpful.

Tonight

2010-11-01T18:00:00.001-07:00

I finally scheduled a babysitter to watch Lyla while we go out on a date. Erinn's only one year younger than me and works as a nurse. She was my sister's sitter in Emporia, and it was my great luck that she moved here. I'm not sure why she wants to babysit when she has a full-time job, but she said she misses the kiddos. She might re-think her choice to watch for us after putting Lyla to bed. That girl has her loves and her dislikes. Lyla loves mommy, daddy and grandma and dislikes everyone else. Hopefully she's over it in a month or two because mommy needs some adult time with daddy.

For those of you who may have forgotten so fast, I haven't always been a mom. See?

Another big deal tonight, Lyla signed with her hands and verbally said, "All Done!" after she ate supper. She's one smart cookie. Jon got as much enjoyment out of watching me flip out in excitement as he did listening to Lyla sign and speak. We have our PAT Educator meeting tomorrow morning. We'll see what she has to say about that.

Oh! And I almost forgot. She blew her first kiss today. It was to the Sam's Club photo desk worker. I don't know why at that moment she decided to give it a try, but it so sweet to see her give kisses. Lyla knows she's doing it, too!

The End to a Very Good Day

2010-10-28T18:52:00.000-07:00

The Good Day

All the women in the house went to the Melting Pot where we did up the Happy Hour and left for about $12 a piece. That's pretty good when you realize we got a cheese fondu, salad, coffee and chocolate fondu. We were hilarious together if I do say so myself. Lyla cried for half an hour straight for the sitter but looked fine when we got home. It's nice to be needed.

The Great End

We booked our anniversary trip! In a few short months, I will get to spend three uninterrupted days with my husband to celebrate our fifth anniversary. Yes, Chicago will be cold that time of year, but I honestly don't care. The plane tickets were cheap, I know I can get a good hotel on Priceline that time of year, Chicago has great public transportation, and at the risk of repeating myself, it's three. days. alone. with my husband.

Loren and Tara visited this time last year so I'm getting good tips on places to see and things to visit. I'm going to sign up for Groupon Chicago, but I'd love any ideas for great things to do to experience the city of Chicago. Jon and I are not great tourists so keep in mind that we don't care much for tourist attractions. It would take me a long time time to explain why. One tourist attraction is enjoyable, but we don't like much more than that.

Ahhh. I'm getting so excited.

Personality Plus

2010-10-24T08:53:00.000-07:00

My child is unlike those always happy and smiling babies I used to fall in love with. You know the kind. The ones who you immediately love because they smile at everyone and make a stranger feel like a friend. Not my girl. She always has a song in her heart that comes out in an occasional smile, but approach her uninvited and you'll get a huge scowl.

A sample of her famous scowl

I'm beginning to understand that not everyone sees and understands the song she's always singing. I see it in her eyes, bounce, sway and shake of her head. She shakes to the tapping of my ring on a shopping cart or to the elevator music at Wal-mart.

And just today, I understood a new part of her personality. Never once did Lyla allow Jon or I help her learn to walk. Try to hold her hands or her waist and her legs collapse in protest. I'm going to have to TEACH her to hold my hand while she walks. I thought most kids wanted to hold their parent's hand, but to Lyla, that translates to helping her do something she knows how to do by herself.

I thinking that this is going to be a theme of her toddler years and the terrible two's might come a bit early. I'd better get ready!

My baby is quick to scowl and throw a fit but also quick to love. I get hugs, kisses and pats every day, and often times the biggest bouts of love come right after I scold her for hitting or grabbing. And she has a new combination that's adorable and so far, just for mommy. We touch foreheads, noses then mouths. It is absolutely the sweetest I've ever experienced to have my baby toddle over in the midst of her play to do our love combo.

A (Sarcastically) Brilliant Mother

2010-10-22T11:53:00.000-07:00

It's 64 degrees outside and I let Lyla play barefoot in the rain. She was pounding at the back door begging (with her cute jibber jabber) to play outside. She screamed every time I walked away, and being the under-cautiously mom that I am, I thought, "Why not?" I was smart enough to take the video camera with me and will try to get my first clip up on this blog. (Jon's going to have to edit it for me.)

She delighted in the puddles, her wet hair and her wet dog. Maybe she is a bit like her mom, although I don't enjoy a wet puppy. Her feet and hands got a bit cold but not bad really. We'll see in the next few days if I live to regret it.

This winter is going to be the pits. How can I keep an outdoorsy girl inside all winter?

We made it to Fall

2010-10-19T17:55:00.001-07:00

I'm loving this season - partly because I feel so much better and partly because Lyla fills my love tank every day. She's a persistent little girl who tries to lift weights, climb into her height chair and run. She can't do anything of those things this month, but she's sure trying! This week she started doing a combination of head bump, kiss and hug - in that order. It happens no less than twice each day. I LOVE MY JOB.

The last two months were discouraging because I couldn't keep up with her, but now that time of instability is over. I hope it stays away for at least 6 months. That's probably how much time I'll need to teach her to stay out of traffic and not eat gum off of shopping cars. Or we'll still be working on those things. It's probably the latter.

Garage Sale Junkie

2010-10-14T19:47:00.000-07:00

I've become a garage sale junkie, and I'm getting kind of good at it. I'm learning to make a mental list of things I want, then take the next couple months to buy only the things on that list. We seem to have no less than two estate sales in our neighborhood every week, and I use those to replace a pot Jon ruins or a cutting board that got moldy. Maybe the secret is that you can't mind using someone else's stuff. If that weirds you out, garage saleing won't be your thing.

I made a working list of things I picked up lately and still remember the price I paid. That's what makes me a junkie :)

Things I bought in the last few months that were all in perfect condition:

A brand new, fitted suit - Retail $220; I paid $22
Jeans, shirts, shorts and capris from Lucky, American Eagle, Buckle, and Express - all less than $6 a piece
Dressy Gap coat - $4
Like new comforter that's a great match for our room - $15
Air corn popper - Retail $18; I paid $3.50

Small pot - $2
Memory board (use for Lyla's bows) - $2
Pottery bowls - $1 for 4
Design plates - $1 a piece
Christmas decorations - $2 or less per item

Clothes for Lyla - prices vary

My priciest purchase ever at a garage sale was something for Lyla's room when she moves up to a big girl bed (which I hope won't be for a long while).

Pottery barn dresser and matching glider rocking chair for a "garden" room- $180

This kind of shopping is addictive. I get out of the house, buy the things I need for less, and enjoy beautiful fall days.

Living Psalm 23

2010-10-04T21:36:00.000-07:00

Jon and I just got back from vacationing with his family at Tuttle Creek and are wiped out. I'm also sick with three different random symptoms and blogging at midnight. Apparently I took the wrong pill that keeps me awake instead of asleep. I don't want to face what tomorrow holds taking care of Lyla while sick and functioning on too little sleep. Below is something I wrote while we were camping on Saturday. Enjoy and I'll try to blog about the trip with photos later this week when the world isn't so fuzzy.

Psalm 23

More than a Funeral

My strength is a fickle thing. This month it feels like my back is a rusty hinge that protests all movement, including everyday tasks. The pain can get sharp and intense. I have a lot of questions about the future floating through my mind, and there’s no luxury to stop and rest for days to help recover like I did in the past. Moms never stop being moms, and Lyla is as active as any 10 month old I’ve ever known. It’s crazy the things she can do.

"What will you do when pain lumbers through your doorway and squats down for a nice long visit?" Joni Eareckson Tada asked me that question during a radio show a while back, and I’ve been trying to answer her. (Please don't think I'm comparing myself to her. Yikes! The woman's suffered more than I'll probably ever know.)

In the month of September, I meditated on Psalm 23 and learned a few major things – major for me at least. You hear this passage at funerals so often that you begin to think it was written by the dead for the dead. It wasn’t.

The exercise I practiced was saying the Psalm before my feet hit the floor in the morning, before I fell asleep at night, and while I prepared Lyla’s meals. A quick rehash of Psalm 23 in case you've forgotten it:

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

The biggest reason I found that this Psalm is for the living is this - valleys with deathly shadows exist in this realm, too. Stop to think about it, and I’m sure you could name a few death valleys in life all on your own.

But did you notice what comes just before Death Valley? “He leads me on right paths for His Name’s sake.” He leads and guides every step of the way, and sometimes that leads directly into Death Valley. Things look pretty bleak in here. But have you ever noticed how beautiful the valley is when you look down from the mountain top? That’s what it feels like right now. I look back at the past valleys and know that when I get through this one, it will be made beautiful, too.

I could go on to list the reasons this Psalm is for the living, but I think you can find them on your own.

9 months

2010-09-19T20:50:00.000-07:00

Being parents to a vibrant, curious 9-month-old, who also happens to be very mobile, is quite the trip.

In her ninth month, Lyla -

Took her first two steps! I'm not sure when she'll start using it as her main means of locomotion and have hopes (however diluted it makes me) that she's still a ways off.
Crawls, cruises and stands up in the middle of the floor.
Uses her mouth as a third hand.
Points her finger and exclaims "Ah, Ah" loudly at anything mildly interesting. I think the loud Ahs are her way of getting my attention.
Claps, sways and babbles to the music.
Seems to say mommy when she wants me.
Raids all of my cupboards and is upset by safety locks.
Throws toys out of her playpen to watch them hit the ground.
Loves having daddy come home from work. (She and I have a “Daddy’s Home” dance.)
Crawls to the back door to watch Jon grill and points her finger at him while exclaiming loudly to make sure I know he’s back there making our supper.
Tries to dunk her baby (and anything else in the area) in the bathtub ... while I'm bathing in it of course.
Had her first tempter tantrum, complete with throwing her whole body onto the floor and wailing loudly. I walked away and the whole thing ended with her crawling after me crying. She hasn't done it again since.

What an odd question

2010-09-13T08:39:00.000-07:00

Our junior high neighbor, Christian, is a friend of ours. We often talk for 10 minutes when he gets home from school, debriefing his day, and he has taken a shine to Lyla. A few weeks ago (when I was still nursing full-time) Christian asked me the oddest question.

I needed to go inside and nurse her so I told Christian, "I need to go feed her. We'll talk to you later."

Christian asked, "I don't want to sound weird or anything, but could I watch you feed her?"

The cat got my tongue! How would you respond to a sweet 7th grade boy who asked you this question?

It was totally innocent. He thinks babies are so cool and had never seen one eat. He didn't know I wasn't giving her bananas, green beans or even a bottle.

AHH!

A Mother's Guilt

2010-09-02T08:04:00.000-07:00

At nine months old, I'm weaning Lyla. I could list the reasons why I'm weaning her at 9 months (instead of a year like the AAP recommends), but that's not what is bothering me. What's bothering me is how guilty I feel about a decision I have made for my daughter.

I will admit that my hormones are alternately peaking and falling as I transition to formula. I haven't experienced a shift this great since I was pregnant. In the lowest moments I cry and wonder if I will live to regret this.

Questions like:

Am I doing what's best for her or am I simply doing something for myself at her expense?

Did I fail because I stopped before her first birthday?

Is everything truly going to turn out right in the end?

It's a new stage in Lyla's life where she doesn't depend on me in the same way. I viewed breastfeeding as my job and my privilege. My performance reviews came in the form of well-visits with the pediatrician (where she was the picture of health) and Lyla's coos, grins and overall happiness to be with me.

I breastfed for 9 months without ever giving her formula, which is 9 months longer than many people go. So why do I feel so guilty?

This isn't an rhetorical question. Answer please if you know.

Retirement isn't for my dad

2010-08-27T09:11:00.000-07:00

We had a surprise retirement party for my dad last weekend. All his kids and grandkids attended, and we dressed the kids up in dad's company colors.

Retirement isn't the word I should use, but I don't know what else to call it. He sold the company that started him in business back in his 20s, which needed a celebration, but he's working and not slowing down. He's still a small business owner and will continue selling product for New Dimension as an employee, instead of owner. Selling is what he loves about business, so this new role should fit him well.

Since he's been freed up from managing, I think he's going to have more time for kingdom work. In a few weeks he takes off for Malawi on a mission trip and will be gone for two weeks, and my guess is that it's the first one of many.

I think this new phase of life is going to fit him well, but I don't think I could call him retired. I'm excited to watch him phase out working for monetary profit to working for kingdom profit. He's always been an evangelist, but I think he and my mom are going to enjoy doing more of this work together.

One thing is certain. My dad won't be spending his time picking sea shells by the sea shore.

Rachel obviously enjoyed the chocolate fountain.
She kept giving me kisses. I'm not sure why. I LOVE this little girl.
Aleenay and Rachel are checking out the fishy.
Makaelyn with Aunt Julie

Aunt Julie and Makaelyn + Lyla and Aunt Dorene

The big cousins love their little Lyla.

8 months old and

2010-07-31T19:49:00.000-07:00

Lyla, at 8 months old you:

Said your name! - It was your first true word but said in mimicry.

Sway, shake your head and clap your hands to the music.

Pull yourself up on everything imaginable.

Stoop from standing holding the coffee table to pick up your toys.

Want your dolly while running errands with mommy. It's a cute site to see. Baby clutching dolly and mommy clutching baby.

Smack your baby in play, and it makes mommy wonder, "What bad thing did that baby do?"

Are still totally into your mommy. Those strangers who smile and try to entice you into a conversation are often left disappointed because you save the best smiles for your mommy. You're not an everybody kind of baby, and I think you might be a little shy.

Laundry Day

2010-07-31T19:28:00.001-07:00

Start to finish this day reminded me why I'm at home with her.

Here, mom. Let me take care of that for you.

Help!!!

Ahh ha. I was just kidding. I can do it.

Ehh!

I can't work with this dog under foot. Could you please finish for me? I almost had it done.

The Best Big Cousins Pt. 1

2010-07-21T16:28:00.000-07:00

Lyla doesn't need a big brother because she has her big cousins Kenan (4 yrs.) and Brennan (4 yrs.) Kenan and Brennan are cousins, not twins. When we spent the week of the 4th of July in Minnesota with my family, Lyla's big cousins were so wonderfully sweet and love her to pieces. I explained to both boys that Lyla didn't have a big brother, just her big cousins, and Kenan was quite concerned. Both boys have two younger sisters and are totally into the role of big brother.

That leads me up to today. My sister called me and relayed a story. Brennan found a picture of Lyla I sent in the mail. He grabbed the photo, went running to his mom, and insisted that she give him a frame for the photo. Bridget framed the photo for him and handed it back. Brennan took it and said, "Lyla. Lyla. Beautiful, Lyla." It's now sitting in his room on his nightstand.

Isn't he too sweet?!?!

Kenan has been enamored with Lyla since before she was born. Once when the phone rang at his house, and Tara said, "Who do you think it is?" Kenan said, "It's Ivery and she's having her baby!" I was only 25 weeks pregnant!

I have more stories that I'll have to share when Lyla's not trying to type on my keyboard.

2010-07-15T09:25:00.000-07:00

"The Joys of Family Life"

This is a family comedian in a hilarious broadcast. Listen while you work.

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/popups/media_player.aspx?Tab=Shows&subcategory=AdventuresInOdyssey&ShowPath=Adventures%20in%20Odyssey&broadcastDate=2010-07-15

First cupboard raid

2010-07-11T08:33:00.001-07:00

Yes, she can open cabinets and cupboards. Did I mention she's only 7 months old? I'm starting to get used to how quickly she learns and follows learning with trouble.

I have picked up on something though. She's quick to learn physical skill and a little slower in her verbal sounds. She just started saying "ba,ba" last week. She mimics me in play with grunts and gaas but didn't use those speech sounds. I think people notice physical skills faster than they notice the verbal ones. We put more emphasis on movement and hand-eye coordination.

I guess she can't learn everything all at one time. I'm going to start reading to her more to see if it helps her verbal skill develop on par with everything else.

Quick! Crawl away before you get into trouble.

And stop to make sure you get credit for your work.

Lyla was excited to see her doggy after a week of vacation. She tried to play her head shake game with him but he wasn't as enthusiastic.

Drowning Doesn't Look Like Drowning

2010-07-11T06:37:00.001-07:00

This article is worth the read.

Drowning Doesn't Look Like Drowning

"Of the approximately 750 children who will drown next year, about 375 of them will do so within 25 yards of a parent or other adult."

Click the link below to read.

http://mariovittone.com/2010/05/154/

7 months of love

2010-07-10T10:16:00.000-07:00

Lyla at 7 months you:

gave up your army crawl for the real deal.

pull yourself up to standing on everything imaginable.

have started slowly moving around objects while standing.

say, "ba,ba,ba" when you're happily playing.

Your personality is starting to show when you:

clutch your dolly like your her life depends on you.

grab Brennnan's hair and ears and give him a giant, slobbery kiss.

sit quietly and just watch as your nieces and nephews (6 children four and under) fill the room with action.

cling to mommy when you're scared or uncertain or just in need of some loving.

push yourself to try every new skill the moment it becomes possible.

become totally frustrated when you can't find anything to help you stand.

kick and laugh when mommy walks into the room.

and one late addition ... you hum while you nurse just like you did as a newborn.

Lyla, at 7 months old, mommy is completely and totally in love with you (and always has been).

New Stunt

2010-07-02T09:01:00.000-07:00

Grandma Strahm was right. Any day Lyla was going to attempt to pull herself up inside her crib. Thankfully, daddy got the crib bed lowered before her first attempt.

She is sooo proud of herself for this. Any time I lay her on the floor, you can see the wheels working, looking for a place to pull herself up. Until she manages it, she's full of frustrated squeals, and she is one dogged little baby. I need to start making a list of reasons why Lyla is like her father. Jon is single-minded to the point of insanity at times. It makes him great at a lot of odd things, but it's going to make my head gray with Lyla. She'll be hiring herself out as a stunt double by age 2 if she keeps this up.

Happy Mom

2010-06-27T13:17:00.001-07:00

The above photo makes me sooo happy. Why? Because that's Lyla towards the end of her 2.25 hour nap. One week ago, Lyla took four to five daily naps that lasted 45 minutes on the dot. Occasionally she slept for one hour but it was a rare occurrence. The list of things I can accomplish in 45 minutes is short, and it is definitely not enough time to get any WAC work done. I would start projects over and over without ever finishing.

I feel relieved. Her morning nap is 1.5 hours and her afternoon is at least 2 hours. Relief. I can take a nap AND do the dishes. I can work on the Club AND eat lunch. I can go to the bathroom AND take a shower AND do my hair. Ahhhhhh.

She naps at exactly 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. each day, regardless of what time she wakes up in the morning. So if you want to keep your head, do not call the house OR ring my doorbell OR knock on the door at the following times: 10-11:30 and 2-4. I don't have much grace right now if you interrupt her naps. If you want to visit, you'd better call my cell phone first so I can prepare Cooper. He is a watchdog who barks at knocks and doorbells (in addition to squirrels, other dogs, bunnies, the mailman, cats, crows cracking nuts on our roof and of course STRANGERS.)

Lyla's dedication

2010-06-24T09:23:00.000-07:00

On Sunday we dedicated Lyla to God. She wasn't baptized or sprinkled and will have to make her own decision one day whether or not to follow the Lord. Instead, we put her before God and said,

Give us wisdom in how to protect, love, train and guide her, but she is a gift from You. Our hands are off. Please use Lyla as You will and make a way for her.

That was pretty huge for me. Motherhood is a battle for your child. Her interests come first, and it's my job to protect her. Already, I've been put into situations where I'm forced to choose between offending someone or protecting my child. It's easy to say, "Well, duh, protect your child," but it's not easy in the moment. I think every mom can think of a situation like this.

So at Lyla's dedication was for me, a moment to say, "She is Your child and in Your plans, God. Please don't let me get in the way."

Oh, and Lyla was a total ham (or maybe a turkey because of her Thanksgiving b-day) during her dedication. Before we even made it to the front of the church, I heard her in the back playing our grunt-while-shaking-your-head game with daddy. It's our favorite. She started it all on her own and I encouraged it :) I'm sure she was thinking, "Mom, there are bunches of people out there, but they're not playing the game back. What's wrong with them?" Despite what you might think, I was was a quiet child. She gets that from her daddy. (Sigh) That would probably make reason number 14 she's her daddy's girl.

An update on my girl

2010-06-17T11:25:00.000-07:00

At 6 months...

She crawls to anything bright.

She crawls around things for her own amusement. (Can I hear you say, "That's her daddy!")

Of course, she crawls to everything dangerous.

She has 6 teeth - 2 on bottom and 4 on top.

She sits up all on her own.

She swims and helps daddy carry stuff to the pool party.

And mommy is her favorite person.

$500 worth of clothes for $42.50

2010-06-10T07:24:00.000-07:00

My neighbors have the most rockin' garage sale I have ever seen. I look for her sale every year and hope I don't miss it. Yesterday's haul netted jeans, shorts and shirts from all the name brands including, but not limited to, J-Jill, Hollister, Abercrombie and Fitch, Gap, Old Navy and Express. All items were like new and priced to sell. I got my year's quota worth of clothes for $42.50.

So Kim, Lindsey and I hit that garage sale hard. Barb, the woman hosting the sale, let us into her living room to try stuff on and we had a BLAST! All 3 of us girls are a different size, and we each came away with two or more bags of clothes. Apparently, Barb has 3 daughters who like to shop. Well, thankfully, Lindsey, Kim, and I love to buy nice, name brand clothes for cheap. It's a perfect match :)

Landmark Day - well, sort of

2010-06-05T20:23:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow is a landmark day. Tomorrow I become a ... minivan mom! I'm 25 years old and have only one child, but I'm excited to get my first minivan. Jon and I always wanted a Subaru Outback and were saving to buy in a few years, but when we test drove one with Lyla's car seat in place, Jon realized the station wagon wasn't an option.

So Jon changed his mind and my parent's are selling their old van. That spells g.r.e.a.t. o.p.p.o.r.t.u.n.i.t.y. We weren't planning on buying a van for about 2 or 3 more years, but we've saved enough that the loan won't be too large. We try to live in a way that doesn't increase our consumer debt. Credit cards get payed off at the end of every month, and we try to save money for items we know we'll have to purchase in a few years, like cars. I love that my husband is committed to living that way. It takes away so much financial stress and gives us more freedom.

So I'm excited to have sliding power doors, stow-and-go seating and the infamous bucket seats. It's a really nice van.

In other news - Lyla is crawling EVERYwhere. Today, she crawled to the stairs. She went from crawling feet to crawling yards too quickly for me. It's time for baby gates and child proof cabinets.

6 at 6 and the ER

2010-06-03T19:06:00.001-07:00

Odd news first. Lyla has two more teeth poking out of her gums. That makes it 6 teeth by 6 months, averaging more than a tooth every two weeks since she was 3 and a half months old! I'm sick of teeth. Her sleep cycle is frustratingly short, and I think if we could get the teeth over with, she'd be sleeping 9 hours straight. That's what she was doing BEFORE the teething started.

In other odd news, I saw something yesterday that I never wanted to see - the inside of an ambulance. I'm not sure where to start with that event. Monday evening I realized (or was told by my sister) that I had Mastitis. In short, it starts as a plugged milk duct (breastfeeding) but untreated turns into a full-blown infection called Mastitis. When it hits the full-blown infection stage, it's like having a bad flu. It leaves you exhausted and run down with alternating chills and sweats. My back does NOT handle sickness well and basically stops letting me move when things get bad. So Monday night I was moaning in pain, barely walking and Lyla refused to nurse.

Tuesday morning I called my doctor to be told that I couldn't get an appointment until Wednesday. I tried to get a script for antibiotics but was refused. My mom (who came to town to take care of me and Lyla) suggested a Take Care Clinic, and off we went. The PA gave me a script for antibiotics and out the door we went. Well ... sort of. I started to get overwhelmed and dizzy in the Walgreen's aisle. I crouched down to rest, got up and walked towards the door. I think I got just through the door when I was overwhelmed again and went down. Imagine that right in front of the Walgreen's store.

I didn't totally black-out (thank goodness), but the PA FREAKED out and called an ambulance. My mom told her not to, but I guess it can be scary to witness. I was totally coherent but again, she FREAKED. The ambulance showed up and checked me out. I still couldn't walk. At this point, I should have let them help me to my mom's car, but I had already told my mom to leave, take Lyla home and feed her.

Sooooo ... I went to the ER. At least they got me out in 3 hours this time instead of the 10 it took in December. It felt like a totally wasted trip. My doctor-cousin Jodi told me about her bout with Mastitis with her first kid and made me feel a whole lot better. She was hospitalized when she got it and said I must have been close to that line to go down.

On the up side, I got to sleep a whole lot today and feel normal. Good prayer and good drugs, I suppose. Jon took care of Lyla last night and I slept waaaay in. Oh, and a woman who I guess helped during the whole incident sent me a note in the mail. That was sweet.

On the other down side, I missed a really important meeting for work. Board meetings only happen four times a year, too. Bummer. But at least I didn't try to go to the meeting. Can you imagine the drama if I fainted during the meeting?!?! Embarrasing.

It's going to be tough getting a picture of all four but we'll try. For now, here's the two top ones in the first photograph.

Giveaway!

2010-05-17T19:04:00.000-07:00

Too-cute lunch boxes are being given away on my friend's blog. These boxes look like little friends, instead of our tin-metal lunch boxes. I might have to buy one - or ask for it for Christmas - if we don't win. :)

http://thehappyneills.blogspot.com/2010/05/giveaway.html

Lyla in texting

2010-05-11T20:01:00.000-07:00

Lyla's name in the possessive form translates into texting shorthand. We didn't check this before naming her so I'm thankful it's something good. LYLAS means "love you like a sister" in texting language. Kind of sweet, right? We're planning her baby dedication, and I want to do something special. Maybe I'll work this in somehow.

Her baby dedication has me pondering what my hopes are for Lyla. How will I work to raise her up for God and His glory? I want her to be confident and secure in His love. It will protect her from all the ugliness in the world. As my little girl grows, her tender heart is going to ask, "Am I lovely?" I want to answer in a way that removes all doubt and resonates to her core. I never want her to wonder about her beauty. If only it was possible for me to make that happen. Someone, somewhere please show me the switch I can flip so that in Lyla's heart of hearts she always hears, "You are a treasure. God's beautiful creation perfectly made for His perfect purpose."

Lyla is arming crawling and rolling to get anything she wants. Thankfully, for now, her wants aren't too far away from where she's placed. I'm starting to pray now for her little girl heart and emotions as she slowly ventures out of my arms. I know the world is going to put her into the pressure cooker, but through the trials, I want her to grow into a warrior of faith. I know I can help those trials mold her into a woman after His heart. God is asking me to open my arms and let Him be her protector. Pray I would know what that looks like.

Insomnia?

2010-05-03T07:44:00.000-07:00

I've always heard about how little sleep parents get, but I think I've moved beyond tired to an insomniac. Let me describe the difference. Ever since she started teething, Lyla wakes up every 3-5 hours at night. My problem for the past month has been that after I feed her at 11 p.m. I might not fall asleep for another two hours. For example, I wake up at 11 p.m. to feed her and can't fall back asleep until 1 a.m. Lyla wakes back up at 2 a.m. to eat after I've only slept for 1 hour. I'm going to see my acupuncturist next week to see if she can help.

Any ideas on how to fix this? I'm running on empty.

Deal of the Week

2010-04-23T13:36:00.000-07:00

Who me?

Showing off her bow and a partial view of my hair cut. This picture makes me laugh.

My cousin recommended me to Jeff at Xenon International Hair Academy, but sister has a horror story from her childhood that centers around a student salon. I think they burned her head. That story made me a little leery of schools, but he did great! I got highlights and a cut for $33, which makes me a little proud, but it's the good kind of pride (if there is one). It's the first time since I was 16 that I highlighted my hair, and at first I was a little freaked out about the color. But who wouldn't be after staring at basic brown for 9 years? For the first hour, I felt like a blonde.

And since I got a sweet haircut, Lyla got some sweet clip-in bows. Ok, that's really not the reason. My mom bought her bows on her last trip, but check out Lyla showing them off below.

Things I didn't expect

2010-04-21T18:22:00.000-07:00

On a light note, I expected to be pooped on (which has happened), peed on (which hasn't), and spit on (of course that's happened), but I didn't expect to get nose full of snot on my shoulder. My little Lyla has her first cold.

On the heavier side, I didn't expect to feel fiercely protective over Lyla, and it's only growing stronger. I don't worry much - a huge change credited to Jesus - but I get my hackles raised if someone doesn't care for my girl the way I do.

Having your boundaries pressed is never an easy thing, but having them pressed with your child is plain infuriating. With our junior high small group, we've been studying the fruits of the Spirit and oh, how I've struggled with it. I don't know how to live out the fruits of the Spirit for my friends and family while also protecting my child. I want to love, show kindness, and give goodness without hanging Lyla out in a dangerous situation. I'm frustrated and don't know the right boundaries. I read all sorts of books about boundaries in dating before getting married. It's too bad I didn't start reading about boundaries in parenting years ago.

I'm praying for wisdom and praying scripture. I trust that Father will show the way if I seek Him, and in the meantime pray I don't leave my daughter open to hurt.

I'm a Hypocrite & Nakey Baby Afternoons

2010-04-19T14:15:00.000-07:00

On the hypocrite scale, this wouldn't rate very high but if you Reference the last post, you will see that I'm not giving Lyla any solid foods until she's 6 months old. Lyla is almost 5 months old

and ....

She was showing the signs of being ready for solids, so I gave it a shot. She likes her cereal and has started taking better naps. Notice her sweet 'tired' eyes in the picture. We fed her right before bedtime in the hopes she would sleep the WHOLE night. HA!!!

Spring is here and with it comes Naked Baby Afternoons. Her bare bottom needed the exposure. She has a funny skin condition that keeps her in an almost perpetual state of diaper rash.

Big drool for big teeth.

She started scooting, and this momma's not so sure about it. I'm not good with change and could have waited another 3 months for this to start. I don't want my baby mobile; although, I'd feel differently if she started becoming developmentally delayed. So I'm trying to celebrate. It is pretty cute to watch.

No Solids Yet

2010-04-14T18:58:00.000-07:00

Call me crazy, but this is the reason I haven't started Lyla on solid food yet. Check out the part on "Open Gut." I'd never heard of that.

I guess I have what's best for her for now, and it requires no grocery shopping. Whoopee.

The interesting thing about all of it is that you can have a child who follows all the recommendations and is still sick all the time. I liked my pediatricians explanation the best. He said, "here are always exceptions. I have babies who are formula fed with a mother who smokes in the home, and the child is never sick. And I have a mother who breastfeeds exclusively, but her child has had a variety of infections. Even with the exceptions, I'd rather have all my mother's breastfeed their children. If you take a pool of breastfed babies and a pool of formula fed, the breastfed babies will be healthier. Of course, you will always hear of exceptions."

I'd say my sister falls into the latter category. She breastfed all of her kids along the recommended guidelines and still her kids have asthma, different allergies and my niece even got Rotavirus. But boy are those kids hearty eaters :) Brennan and Aleenay looove their food. Try picking Brennan up if you want proof. The boy's a brick.

Brennan, the brick, in one of my favorite pictures of him and Cooper.

Love / hate the YMCA

2010-04-14T07:34:00.000-07:00

2009
2006

I have about 5 pounds to go to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, and as every mom knows, it's tough to work out with a baby.

I love working out at the Y on the days when everyone else is larger than me with more weight to lose. I hate working out on the days when everyone else looks like a marathon runner. The funny thing is that the Y always has both types of people working out, but some days I am prideful of my accomplishments and others I am discouraged by my lack of accomplishments.

Comparing body types seems to be the curse of womanhood, or at the very least we all struggle with it. Even though I was sick while pregnant, I loved how skinny I got, and I loved the compliments that came with that. I've gotten the same compliments since Lyla was born but don't really believe it, I guess.

I thought I was old enough to know better than this. I don't want my self-worth tied to how I measure up to everyone else - fat or skinny. It's a battle between pride and ungratefulness. I wish it could be called the battle between pride and humility, as in, I'm humble when everyone else is skinnier than me and prideful when I'm the skinny one. Unfortunately, it's not really humility. It's sin any way you slice it.

So here's the next verse I'm memorizing:

1 Peter 3:3-4

"Do not let your adornment be merely outward - arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel - rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God."

And after that:

All of Psalm 139

But specifically vs. 14

"I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Marvelous are Your works,

And that my soul knows very well."

Dreams of nothing extraordinary

2010-04-02T19:50:00.000-07:00

When you have some time, read this. It will be worth your time.

http://www.kellehampton.com/2010/01/nella-cordelia-birth-story.html

Her story reminded me of what I dream for, Lyla. I don't dream of individualism, perfection or even the all allusive fame. I dream of the ordinary for her.

Please don't take that the wrong way. As a little girl my ordinary was riding my pony in sunsets and on spring days. I painted my pony with wild blackberries and washed her off with a swim in the pond. I imagined I was an Indian orphan forced to survive off the land, and the berries were, of course, camouflage from our enemies. Or I was a jockey in the Kentucky Derby, and my fat, kid-broke Quarter horse was a lightning bolt.

The animals. I loved all our animals. I had more animals than I could count and experienced as many deaths. I would rescue a kitten who fell out of the loft and try to nurse it back to health. I tried to save my kitty whose back was broken by my sister's slamming door, but that effort failed. Momma cats would have litters in the wood pile, and I would capture and tame every one I could catch. I spent hours upon hours in the barn.

None of those experiences were extraordinary, right? But oh, how I loved it! I dream of those ordinary moments for, Lyla. And maybe in those beautiful, ordinary moments, Jesus will capture her heart. It's how he got mine. It was in those moments as a child that I first met felt him and his love for me.

Funny Dog

2010-04-02T19:17:00.001-07:00

Cooper's a funny dog. I've often thought this but now it's official. Lyla laughed today for the first time and it was at Cooper. It's more of a chuckle than a laugh and an adorable, little chuckle at that.

The past couple days Lyla has become really interested in the mutt. She smiles at him and tries to catch bits of his hair in her fingers. (We'd better give him his spring shave before her grip on his hair gets stronger.) He licks her feet, hands and face, leaving me to clean her up every whip-stitch because her fists are in her eyes when she's tired and in her mouth when her teeth hurt.

So, Cooper's funny. The mutt (Cooper) was playing with our neighbor's cat, Boots, jumping around and darting back and forth. In his excitement over his kitty friend, Cooper barked. Then Lyla laughed. At first I thought she was crying scared, but one look at that jack-o-lantern grin said it all. She laughed every time he barked, not scared one bit of the big mutt. She sees right through his scary bark to the playful puppy.

A girl who loves her dog. Maybe she will be a little bit like me after all.

4 month apppointment

2010-03-26T10:30:00.000-07:00

Lyla is a run-of-the mill, average, healthy little girl who calms down after the problem of the moment has passed. (Don't check my punctuation on that last sentence. I think I got it wrong.) Today was the day of her second set of vaccinations. Dr. Newlin is wonderful and spent a long time answering my questions about vaccinations. I'm glad we're vaccinating her. I don't feel like listing all the great things about vaccinations here, but it's a positive thing for our society.

Her easy-going nature hasn't changed since she was born. She turns a bright-red and cries with those sharp needle pricks. I pick her up. One breath in, one breath out, and she's happy again. I won't have to teach her that one, and hopefully I don't do anything to change it. Some parenting methods are way out there and could turn an easy baby into a difficult one. So I guess we haven't been terrible parents. She's still the same baby. Maybe we might know what we're doing, but the jury will always be out on that.

Hand-me downs

2010-03-23T13:02:00.000-07:00

I have the BEST hand-me-downs hands-down. Okay, that was corny. But seriously. I got back from the dog park to find this thing-a-ma-jig on my doorstep.

Can you tell she loves it?

Lyla, can you say, "Thank you?"

Nope. Okay. Um. She's not being rude. She's just too busy playing. More training to come when she can talk.

Dish hand

2010-03-23T10:06:00.000-07:00

He's an ace dish-hand. If you want your dishes scoured, ask Jon to help. I have to be patient because what's a 30 minute job for me is a one hour job for him. I can get frustrated waiting for him to finish, so I leave the kitchen and say thank you for helping.

Thanks for helping, Bub.

Minnesota Highlights

2010-03-10T14:44:00.000-08:00

The first week of March we journeyed to tiny Morris, Minn. Grandma Dogotch spoiled Lyla with love, and Lyla got to be naked in her apartment because it averaged a hot 76 degrees. I found out a great cure for a diaper rash using things from grandma's apartment - 40% zinc oxide cream covered with Aquaphor. I found an off-brand Aquaphor and zinc oxide cream at Target once I got home.

Aunt Sara made my birthday cake, and I stayed at her house for a few of the days. My cousin Justin said Lyla was an okay baby, which is high praise indeed. Justin doesn't do so well with babies most of the time. Crying gets on his nerves and with his down's syndrome, every thing he thinks comes out of his mouth.

Lyla did an amazing job traveling. The trip took about 12 hours, instead of 10, because of her need to stop and eat and get a diaper change. On the way back she cried for maybe 45 minutes of the 12 hours. That's amazing for a 3 month old.

A Strange Encounter

2010-02-26T09:58:00.001-08:00

I thought moms wanted to sacrifice for their children, but today I came across a woman yelling in Target and was shocked into reality.

Her baby girl looked about the same age as Lyla and was sleeping in her car seat. The mom was practically yelling on the phone telling the other person what she would and would not do for her daughter. Listen in.

"I will not change my diet simply so this girl can eat from me. I won't change my diet just so she doesn't get colicky. It's ridiculous for me to change my life like that for her food. I need to eat and will eat what I want. Plus, I'm not going to excuse myself from a room full of my friends because she's hungry. How stupid. It's just stupid."

I turned the corner in my cart and wanted to cry for the girl. Maybe I'm super-emotional about my choice to bear the inconvenience and breastfeed my daughter but wow. This woman's words shocked me. Breastfeeding or formula is a choice each mom has to make, and I'm not judging her choice to do one or the other. For me, breastfeeding is inconvenient but I happen to believe it's worth it. Lyla's worth it. And since I'm home, it's much easier to manage than a mother who works an 8 - 5 job. But to not do it simply because it's a sacrifice?

This one choice doesn't define her as a mom but her attitude spoke volumes to me. I wanted to cry for her daughter, for what is ahead for her, because children themselves are by nature inconvenient.

And a heads-up. I think mom's who choose to breastfeed are sensitive about the subject to some degree. So when a mom is struggling to breastfeed her child, learn the ropes, and forgo the inconvenience, do not jump in with stories about bottle-feeding. That's one of the most frustrating things to hear because they are so different. One requires more energy than the other during an already exhausting time of life. It makes you feel alone - like people don't get it, which if they haven't done it full-time they probably don't. I know I didn't before Lyla.

Life in a Snapshot

2010-02-24T14:27:00.001-08:00

Lyla staring at the life-size T-rex that's standing over its fresh kill.

Where's the baby?

There she is! I promise she had plenty of room to breathe. And given this picture, it's a good thing that Lyla looks like Jon and not me.

My failed attempt to have Lyla show all her bows off at once. It failed because they didn't all fit. Sad, huh?

Grand-mama

2010-02-07T13:14:00.000-08:00

People who stay married and in love talk about how they love the person more with each passing year. I think that's the way it is for me with my momma. In junior high she became my best friend, listening to me talk for hours as I analyzed my relationships with a certain boy or as I mulled over the stupid thing I said at school. I learned to work through my problems step-by-step because she walked through them with me.

In college when a boy broke my heart, we went through the grieving process together - heart-broken to sick to angry. And when Jon and I started dating, she knew before I did that he was the one God had given me. I could give you even more stories of times when we learned / did the same thing at the same time, but it gets a little eerie.

Jon and Lyla are my favorite people but Grand-mama runs a very close third. So cheers Grand-mama. I know Lyla is going to love you as much as I do.

Style courtesy of the fab and faboo Gma S and Aunt June

2010-02-01T15:08:00.000-08:00

Laugh if you want but I make this look goood. - Little Lyla

The coat is super and the shoes fit for a princess. Both fit 3-6 month, and it's sad to see her get so big. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry once she was dressed.

Decorating

2010-01-30T18:27:00.000-08:00

I was a tomboy. I never learned how to curl my hair and I only own two types of eye shadow. One of those eye shadows I bought back in high school. I have bunches of scars to show off and stories to go with almost every one. So why do I love 'decorating' my little Lyla so much?

Kaila took our photos last weekend. (Side note: I'm over-the-top excited to see them. I couldn't have gotten these kind of photos at a studio because Lyla's sleep/awake/happy times vary each day depending on what time she wakes up. And Kaila's style is journalistic. Her pictures are living - snapshots of what we do each day with Lyla.) And in every picture Lyla had to have her frosting on. Before we leave the house I put on her knitted hat or a matching bow. I leave the house without makeup on almost every day. So why can't my daughter leave without her decoration?

I don't have an answer. But oh, how much fun I'm having. Maybe I'm making up for what my mom missed with me. She tried so hard to make me girly, including sending me fishing with grandpa with a GIANT white bow in my hair, and I have the picture in my scrapbook to prove it.

An odd mom

2010-01-25T11:06:00.000-08:00

I think I'm a little odd in the mom department and a little slow on the uptake.

When Lyla was born I didn't think she was the most beautiful baby in the world. For the first three hours, I really didn't think she was mine. Someone was going to come through the door and take her away. I think because of that, my heart was guarded against loving her. Now, you have to cut me some slack. I gave birth in two hours and two hours after giving birth I fainted three times. It took me an hour to recover from fainting, which I guess is a little longer than normal. In the fog I realized that Lyla was going to need to eat, and if I didn't come around pretty darn fast, they weren't going to let me feed her.

In that moment she needed me and I needed her. And once I held her again, I knew. I knew she was mine, and I loved her. I didn't know whether she was beautiful or not, even though others told me so. But a beautiful child didn't matter. In fact, I could have cared less whether or not she was pretty. God gave her to me and she was mine.

Lyla still works that way for me. If I start having a panic attack, I think about what Lyla needs next- a diaper change, feeding, bath - and it brings me out lickedy split.

It took me another week to realize I was a mom. One day it washed over me like a log in a rushing river, and I lost my breath. But that's another story.

2010-01-20T13:28:00.000-08:00

Friends have questioned why I went back to work so quickly after having Lyla. But it's not what it seems. I contract with the Wichita Aero Club as its administrator. The job comes out to about 40 hours a month, and I'm blessed to have it.

I'm blessed because I work from home and can stare and share smiles with Lyla while I work. About once a week I go in to the office for about an hour to pick-up any work. Once a month we host a luncheon, and I'm away from Lyla for a grand total of five hours.

Jobs like this are difficult to impossible to come by. I see so many moms starting at home businesses that take a lot of work and don't provide a whole lot of pay. I'm paid well and get out of the house occasionally to mingle with professionals. I like putting my professional face on to work. And the job makes me feel like I can contribute to our financial goals without putting all the pressure on Jon.

Lastly, I don't think doing this job is any more difficult than taking care of your first child after the birth of a second. You don't get a break from the work of being a mommy for several weeks to recover. You jump right back into the role all while taking care of a newborn.

In summary, I am so blessed and thankful. There are days when I don't want to do it, but it's more of a discipline issue than a lack of time.

No job description

2010-01-18T17:56:00.001-08:00

I have a new job but no job description. Every other position I've held, someone sat me down and told me what I needed to do to succeed. In high school it was be friendly and conscientious. In college as an RA in the dorms it turned into be the resident's friend. Don't judge. Keep the rules we've laid out before you. And now. I don't have any gauge for success. No one wrote me a job description.

If my ruler of success is taking care of Lyla's needs, that's simple enough. Feed. Change. Soothe. Clothe. But what if she doesn't soothe. What if I try to feed her when she's actually tired instead. Or she's crying from boredom and I put her in her crib to sleep. I'm not sure when she should nap and for how long. I meet her needs as they arise, but maybe I should be helping her adjust to a schedule.

I thought after 7 weeks I would know this child. Instead I feel so lost. Maybe I should have read more books or at least laid out a plan ahead of time. I thought if I did that I would lose how precious it is to simply exist with her.

So how do I know if I'm doing it right? If she's potty trained by 2 years old then, "Congratulations! You are a good mom." Or if other people can enjoy being around her because she's polite and well trained, "Way to go!" Maybe it's the day she graduates from high school. Or the day she gets married to a Godly man?

I have no idea. And I don't know what it takes.

Wish I could end this better. With a scripture or a PSYCHE! here's your answer. But she's crying in the other room, and I don't know why. She's not a fussy baby. By all accounts I'd say she's a wonderful, easy baby. But I don't know what's wrong, and it seems like I should.

Birth Details - Update on Lyla Helen Kaufman

2009-11-29T15:50:00.000-08:00

The writing's a little rough, but I'd rather NOT take the time to make it sound eloquent right now. Plus, nothing is eloquent about the pain of childbirth.

Highlights:

Huge answered prayer when my water broke 10 minutes before the contracting drug.
Labor lasted 2 hours and 20 minutes from start to finish.
Everything happened so fast, she ended up delivered by the nurses.

November 25th, one day after my due date, the doctor decided I was getting too close to a line she didn’t want us to cross. My blood pressure had slowly risen and pre-eclampsia can turn bad in a matter of hours. I went in for induction that evening at 7 p.m. and started Cervadil at 9 p.m.

Cervadil works overnight without you feeling a thing. For many different reasons, I wanted to go into labor naturally on my own. Starting that evening I prayed the Cervadil would kick start my own labor without the Pitocin. (I will write more later about what it’s like to go through labor without drugs and why we chose it.)

I woke up at 7 a.m. (not in labor) and started praying earnestly for it to start. At 9 a.m. the Cervadil came out and we were told the Pitocin would start at 10 a.m. I hopped in the bathtub for comfort from light contractions and at 9:50 started climbing out to get ready to see the doc and start Pitocin. I stood up and my water broke. Crazy, right?

At 9 a.m. I was dilated to 3 cm and at 10 a.m. I was dilated to 4 cm. The resident came in at 10 a.m. and decided to wait an hour to see what would happen and if I would need Pitocin. Contractions were 2 to 3 minutes apart for an hour and were more intense than anything I had felt before. At this point, I was doing fine without drugs. At 11 p.m. when the doctor came around, we weren’t surprised I was no longer at 4 but were amazed I was at 6. From 11 to 11:30 the contractions peaked and the peaks that lasted 5 to 10 seconds were unbearable.

At the end of 30 minutes I had enough contractions that I doubted my ability to continue drug-free labor. The nurse decided to check me and discovered I had moved from a 6 to a 7. She encouraged me to continue trying drug-free, and I agreed. After one more contraction, I again decided drug-free was not for me. They called the doctor to get the drug cleared. Jon and the nurse both knew the drug wouldn’t come in time but wisely kept their mouths shut. They knew it would take 30-45 minutes and I was quickly nearing the end. Without a choice, we continued forward. Around 11:45 the contractions were still incredibly intense and I began feeling a lot of pressure. Our nurse stepped out to take a 30 minute lunch (not knowing she wouldn’t make it back for delivery) and the charge nurse took over her spot.

At 11:50 the charge nurse checked me again after my complaints of pressure and screams of agony. The nurse was on the phone trying to contact my doctor to tell her I was dilated to 10 and +2, and my doctor called our room phone because she couldn’t raise the nurse on her phone. Jon was focused on me and not answering the phone. I moaned at him to answer it and he was surprised to hear my doctor ask how it was going. Jon said, “We’re dilated to 10 and +2.” The doc responded, “I’m leaving now.”

Thankfully the nurses never asked me to not push and wait for my doctor. After Jon hung up with the doc we had a stream of people flow into our room. The NICU team was there because I had muconium when my water broke and the room was totally prepped for delivery. One nurse told me I could push anytime, and on the next contraction I didn’t waste any time. Another nurse told me to push through the pain, and I pushed two times per contraction. Within five to seven contractions, she was born at 12:10 p.m. on Thanksgiving Day. The cord was around her body/neck but with no ill effects. The NICU team didn’t need to do a thing because she hadn’t aspirated the muconium. Daddy cut the cord and the doctor arrived in time to look evaluate her. Total labor and delivery time was 2 hours and 20 minutes. I tore in two different places, which was miserable, but I’m so thankful not to have had a c-section and to not need the Pitocin. The nurses called me a Lamaze woman and were pleasantly surprised at my ability to move.

Everything after that was a blur. I felt amazing considering I’d just been through labor. The only other complication was two hours after she was born I fainted three times. But I had wonderful nurses and a good doctor who brought me around. They never found a reason for my fainting, but said sometimes that happens after fast deliveries. I think ours counts as fast!

Small Updates on Lyla:

She weighed 6 lbs 15 oz (exactly what I weighed when I was born)

She’s a champ at breastfeeding. We had a rough day in the hospital figuring it all out, but the problems were completely normal.

At the moment, she slept for 2 hours and I got an hour of sleep. So wonderful.

Jon could only be a better dad if he started lactating. Not only can he change, swaddle, clothe and doggedly comfort Lyla, he offers breastfeeding changes, and they really work! He’s that observant.

We named her Lyla because we liked it and Helen after her great-grandma. Yesterday we found out that Lyla is also the first name of her great-great aunt. Gordon (Jon's dad) had always known her as Aunt Lorraine and never knew her first name was Lyla. So her whole name ended up being in the family.

Praises

2009-11-01T19:59:00.000-08:00

I need to get better about posting to this thing. An update on baby things:

We have so many things to be thankful for in November. Jon's cousins gave us a carseat/stroller and a swing, which was so wonderful. We've had two showers that blessed us so much, and now her room is all ready for her arrival. Like seriously ready. Fully stocked.

People keep asking us if we're ready for her to be here. Our house is ready but I'm not sure where our hearts are at. Everything is pretty surreal, and I don't think any of it will sink in until we meet her for the first time. Holding her in my arms has got to be better than carry her around like a fanny pack all the time. It's fun to feel her move but this is the part where everything is pretty uncomfortable.

Speaking of uncomfortable, did I mention that I'm ONLY uncomfortable? I don't have nearly as much back pain as I expected to have. God has been soo faithful with this. When I first became pregnant, I think the first thought in most people's minds had something to do with my back. And we truly didn't know how that was going to work out.

From day one we've prayed that whatever pain I'm in it wouldn't effect the baby or my ability to go full-term. But Father has given us more than that. When my back hits it's limit and I'm in pain, it only takes a few hours of rest to get back to normal. Considering my history that's pretty incredible. After a few hours of rest, I can get up and do the dishes or make supper. I've even been able to put a few meals into the freezer for after she's born.

Am I normal? No. For a while now I've only been able to do one or two things a day before I hit my limit. But I'm not 'normal' even when I'm not 8 months pregnant. Am I blessed? Yes.

Did I mention that Tuesday marks the 37th week? That's the day that she's considered full-term and healthy. Our goal is about to be reached and I couldn't be happier.

The things he does

2009-09-01T08:29:00.001-07:00

Having a baby is an emotional experience with a good dose of sress thrown in. When things in life become stressful or my mind becomes foggy from pain, I love and appreciate my husband even more. I think the reason is two-fold. Jon's reaction to my emotion and his leadership during difficult times. Oh, and maybe how much he wants the best for me. So make that three-fold.

My back has started doing its thing again. For those who don't know I have a fracture in the lowest vertebrae in my spine and whenever my body comes face-to-face with something that is overwhelming it puts on a cast to protect me. That's the best way I can describe what happens. The cast restricts my movement and makes me shuffle (not to be mistaken with the pregnant waddle). I can't do as many things as I could before and Jon picks up the slack. Right now, he has a list of things I want done before our baby girl gets here and he is steadily accomplishing them all. Most of them are things a healthy partner could help with but I can't. So he's working by himself to accomplish everything I want. I want. I want. See a pattern? And he doesn't resent me for it. What a Godly man.

And when my back gets really bad, my mind plays tricks on me and the focus shifts. It's tough to understand if you've never had disabling pain but pain changes your personality and weakens resolve. I married an encourager. There are times when I need to be told that what I'm thinking is flat-out wrong. Like Saturday night when I asked if God made a mistake with this child. If I got pregnant too soon and it was outside of His will. Jon wouldn't even entertain that conversation. Or the moments when I don't think I can't last to a full-term pregnancy at 37 weeks. Jon knows what to say during those times too, and those times only occur when I'm in pain. But most of the time, it's best for nothing to be said. I have to work through it on my own. Thank goodness he doesn't try to problem-solve. He's a patient man and will wait months for my mind and heart to become right again. He doesn't tell me I'm wrong or what I feel isn't right. He waits and prays.

And just something sweet. On Saturday we went shopping for baby furniture. I don't need the nicest, most beautiful crib or dresser for our baby girl. She'll never remember if she slept in a card board box, and I think all she will want is someone who loves her to be close by. But when we were searching for furniture, he kept checking to make sure that everything met my expectations or desires for decorating a room. My only concern with furniture is that we could comfortably pay the cost and wouldn't create a stressful money hole for ourselves. In the end, we bought new furniture for our house for the FIRST time ever. We have never purchased or owned new furniture, so Jon reasoned it was time to invest in a nice piece. I didn't argue :)

Thank you Father for my husband. He's perfect for me.

Dresser is on the left side of picture. (ordered without the bookshelf on top)

Crib is below

Things I didn't expect

2009-08-07T08:56:00.001-07:00

To be sick waaay past the first trimester. And once morning sickness wasn't a daily issue, heartburn kicked in. And leg cramps.

To gag every time I opened the fridge.

How sweet Jon was with all the morning sickness. He worked hard to make sure I ate something nutritous each day. Thanks for the late night smoothies, Bub!

To feel and SEE the baby squirm several times a day and to have that same squirming keep me awake at night. Every time the karate kid shows me the moves I have to stop and take a moment to treasure it. It's only possible to feel this child in this way for 16 more weeks, even if the timing isn't always perfect.

To be angry with Jon for no reason. I'm crying one moment, sullen the next and frustrated to tears after that. Something has taken me over!

To not be able to see my feet. (This can still be accomplished for now if I lean forward.)

I think this list is a work in progress. I'm 24 weeks along, so there will be more to add!

Oatmeal-Butterscoth Chippers

2009-07-31T08:02:00.001-07:00

So very yummy. I'd never made a cookie like it and can't believe how many we ate in the end. Oats take the place of flour in these crispy-edged butterscotch cookies.

1 1/2 cups butter-flavored shortening
1 1/4 cups extra-crunchy peanut butter
1 1/2 cups firmaly packed brown sugar
1 cup sugar
3 large eggs
4 1/2 cups uncooked regular oats
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 1/2 cups butterscotch morsels
1 cup semisweet chocolate morsels
1 cup chopped pecans or pecan pieces

Beat shortening and peanut butter at medium speed with an electric mixer until creamy, gradually add sugars, beating well. Add eggs, 1 at a time, beating well after each addition.

Combine oats and baking powder, add shortening mixture, beating well. Stir in butter-scotch morsels, chocolate morsels and pecans.

Drop dough by rounded teaspoonfuls onto ungreased baking sheets.

Back at 350 degrees for 9 to 11 minutes or until lightly browned. Cool 2 minutes on baking sheets, remove to wire racks to cool completely. Yield: 6 dozen.

Jumbo Oatmeal-Butterscotch Chippers: Drop dough by 2 tablespoonfuls 2 inches apart onto ungreased baking sheets. Bake at 350 degrees for 11 to 12 minuts. Yield: 4 1/2 dozen.

Three random thoughts on Sunday

2009-07-27T07:17:00.001-07:00

If you're reading this first post, I'm assuming you already know who I am and don't need an introduction. So here are three thoughts I had over the course of yesterday that are random, but who isn't? So if you're interested in random:

1. It's pretty amazing having God constantly at work creating and sustaining a child inside of me.

When I first became pregnant, I stopped and realized that every child Jon and I have, even ones we might adopt, start in this same way and that my life is insignifcant. Is that normal for a soon-to-be mom to feel? I was born. A quarter of a century passed by. Another child will be born.

The photos I see of a child at 23 weeks gestation still look slightly alien and to be honest, I dreamed of aliens the night Jon felt the baby move. But feeling all these constant flutters and jabs gives me joy and inspires me to keep on keeping on (like I have a choice) despite being sick.

2. Father knows when this child will come, and I don't need to worry about a possible premature delivery or bed rest.

Premature deliveries run in my family. Couple that with my spondylolisthesis and history of pain / disability, and I start worrying about how my body will react when I'm ... um ... large. Beautifully large. Despite these possible (not actual) complications, I have a peace about whatever will happen with our firstborn. I believe Father has strength enough to sustain both me and our baby in the months ahead.

3. Leaders realize they might fail at the given task, but press on because it's what God has called them to do.

Failure might be imminent. I might completely miss the hearts of the girls I'm trying to lead and simultaneously discover I'm a horrible mother. But God has called me to be both and has already redeemed my mistakes. My one prayer for the future relationship with our child, is that Jon and I might win his or her heart. We've discussed our discipline 'style' but don't know what it will actually be when we're faced with a tantrum from a toddler or a teenager. Hopefully we will still demonstrate the love of Christ, his mercy and grace, while turning their hearts toward him. What a HUGE task (sigh).